“I loved the lessons they taught me as much as the ones I taught them. But my entire being was fighting the life I was living”

I used to wake up, open my eyes, and immediately grab my phone, scrolling through social media, checking emails, and diving headfirst into the grind. Coffee in hand, I would rush into another day that felt just like the last. Edward had to get to school, I had to get to work, and life felt like one long sprint.

I complained to anyone who would listen, “I go to a job I don’t like to pay for a house I’m never in, just to sleep and clean so I can wake up and do it all again.” I was paying bills for a life I wasn’t even living. I wasn’t thriving. I was just existing.

In March, I made a decision that changed everything. I didn’t renew my teaching contract, and I turned down eight other job offers, jobs with more money, more “security,” more of the same treadmill. When you go on the news for being recognized as an outstanding teacher, schools come calling. But even with all that validation, my heart knew the truth, this wasn’t the life I was meant for.

I loved my students. I loved their families. I loved the lessons they taught me as much as the ones I taught them. But my entire being was fighting the life I was living. I was miserable.

I dreamed of slow mornings, of breathing deeply, of living life with intention instead of exhaustion. I wanted a different rhythm, one where I could homeschool my son, something I had long dreamed about. Watching him struggle to push through long school days was painful, and I knew we needed something different.

So I wrote it down. The exact life I wanted. And now it is time to put it into action.

These days, my mornings start slowly and intentionally. I make my coffee, and if the weather is nice, I meander outside to the patio with my notebook and pen. Sometimes I write down what is in my head just to clear it out, ideas, to-do lists, trips I want to take. But mostly, I just sit and listen.

I hear the rooster crowing, cars passing by, early morning bugs buzzing. Even the neighbor’s dog has stopped barking at me and now accepts me as part of his routine, greeting me at the fence with a nod. I watch the sky. When is the last time you looked up? Try it, walk into Walmart and look up. Look up when you head to your car in the morning. I spent so many years staring straight ahead or down at a screen.

Now, before the day takes off, I thank my house for protecting us. I thank my job for providing for us. I thank my car for the adventures it allows. It is more than gratitude, it is living with intention. Slowly. Meaningfully.

There will always be stuff. Always more to do. Always another list. Growing older is realizing that less really is more.

For years I thought “find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” meant chasing the right career. But I see it differently now. It is not about the job. It is about building the life you love, and then finding work that fits into that life.

Maybe you are in that same cycle I was, waking up, rushing, paying bills for a life that doesn’t feel like your own. If so, I want to encourage you to pause. Write down the life you actually want. Not the one you think you should have, but the one your soul craves.

Then, start small. Maybe it is a slow morning with coffee. Maybe it is looking up at the sky instead of down at your phone. Maybe it is thanking the things that carry you through the day.

Life does not change all at once. But it can change, and it starts with intention. I am learning that the life you love is not something you wait for, it is something you create.